his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
