haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
