Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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