I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
