I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
