God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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