now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
