you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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