so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
