Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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