dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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