On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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