I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
