he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize