i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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