Having a random hookup so left but love u
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
