after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
