I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
