Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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