Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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