I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
