How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
