my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize