I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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