john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
