I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
