Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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