i don't like sucking hair
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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