I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
