Just fell off a train. Bad.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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