Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Randomize
