Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
