I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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