WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
