He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
