there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
