Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
