i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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