why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize