I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
