I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
