you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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