A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
