i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
