I wish I only lived at night.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
