Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
