Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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