ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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