the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
