I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
