I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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