Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
