R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
They took my balls.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
