I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
