Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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