I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
