dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I skipped work to stalk him.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize