How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
