Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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