I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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