Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
