found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
